


your laugh is the best sound i have ever heard

by jelican



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining, Swearing, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-13 02:03:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19241590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jelican/pseuds/jelican
Summary: “Are you going to tell him?”“Are you fucking mental?”“Please – just think about it. I know it won’t exactly be easy – ““Easy! You want me to tell my best friend that I’m in love with him.”(Remus assumes that Sirius is in love with James)





	your laugh is the best sound i have ever heard

“Are you going to tell him?”

“Are you fucking mental?”

“Please – just think about it. I know it won’t exactly be easy – “

“Easy! You want me to tell my best friend that I’m in love with him.”

Remus froze, he felt his blood run cold at the admission from Sirius.

It wasn’t like Remus was intending to eavesdrop on his friends, especially considering what he overheard his friends discussing. But he had simply wandered into the common room at the wrong time and now he was paying for his snooping. He was paying with a shattered heart and the knowledge that Sirius was in love with James.  


Maybe the former was a little dramatic, but he was a sixteen-year-old boy– Remus had the right to be as dramatic as he wanted. Especially when it came to the matters of the heart. Or perhaps he had simply spent too much time with the other Marauders. Yes, that was probably the answer.

But Remus would assess his dramatics later, now he had the issue of escaping the room without Sirius or Marlene paying much attention to him. The last thing that Remus needed was to become a confidant of Sirius, to listen to his wailing and lamenting about the man he was in love with. Or worst, having to perform the role of a dutiful friend who was happy to encourage the confession that would eventually lead to Sirius having his heart broken. Everybody knew that James wouldn’t look at anybody but Lily. 

He had accepted long ago that Sirius would never love him romantically, but he hadn’t ever thought that Sirius would fall in love with James. And that made Remus’s heart break even more. Sirius had gone and fallen in love with one of them, but it wasn’t him. In introspection, Remus summarised, he shouldn’t be surprised that Sirius loved James. They were always close, always together and always whispering in the darkness when they thought everybody else was asleep. 

So maybe James would abandon his fantasy of Lily for Sirius. Maybe they would end up dating and live happily ever after. Perhaps Remus was being simply dramatic, but he believed that would end up killing him.

Biting back his tears, Remus swiftly but quietly ducked back out of the common room and headed towards the library. 

Over the next few days, Remus did his best to avoid Sirius. He didn’t think he would be able to look at Sirius without admitting that he knew about his love for James. But avoiding the boy you shared a dorm and three best friends with wasn’t exactly easy. Especially when they wanted to plan the latest pranks or join him on the full moon. 

So, his plan to avoid Sirius wasn’t exactly successful or subtle. It mainly resulted in quizzical looks from his friends and Sirius demanding his attention more dramatically.  
Something which Remus didn’t want to think about too much. He tried to forget the way it felt to have Sirius drape himself over his lap – Sirius fingers holding Remus as a way to steady himself. But at night it was all he could think of. 

And when he came down in the morning to find Sirius draped over James’s lap, as they laughed about nothing and everything. Remus felt his heart break a little more, and with a pained smile he sat on the armchair opposite, took out his book and began to read. 

But not before he bit at the pair, “You do know what a chair is for, right?”

Sirius shrugged and shot a smile in Remus’s direction, “He wanted to make Lily jealous.”

Remus didn’t miss as Sirius’s smile faltered for a quick moment. And with that he turned back to his book, he didn’t want to further both his own pain and Sirius’s.  
But that didn’t last long. 

“Moony. Moons. Moonus.” Remus tried to ignore the persistent sing-song calls coming from Sirius.

But as the names continued, Remus gave up and let out a sigh, “What is it?”

He looked up to see that James and Sirius had separated, and instead Sirius was sprawled on the floor, grinning widely at him, “Hi.”

And with that, Remus let out another sigh as he felt himself fall a little deeper in love with Sirius Black. 

 

After that Remus had promised himself that he would try and get over Sirius, he couldn’t go on giving his heart to a man who would never accept it. And the only way he would do that is to avoid him, until his feelings were gone completely. And unlike before, he was adamant to keep to that promise. He would just make excuses to avoid Sirius and if needed to, the rest of the Marauders.

He doubted it would go that far, he would just need to focus more on his schoolwork and hopefully his feelings would fade as quickly as they came. But a part of him couldn’t help but believe that they wouldn’t notice his absence. Sirius would be too busy mooning over James, James in turn would be mooning over Lily and Peter would be too busy following James around as usual.Remus would just simply slip away from the Marauder spotlight for a few weeks. Get his head and heart in order and return before the next full moon. 

But of course, Remus should have known that life wouldn’t let him slink off to lick his wounds. A day hadn’t even passed before Sirius had cornered him in the library, panting and trying to control his hair which had escaped from the broken hair tie. 

“You’re a fucking arsehole.” Sirius panted, falling into one of the chairs, “We’ve been looking all over the bloody castle for you. Thought you were dead or something.”

Remus shrugged his shoulders, trying to focus on the words in front of him and not on Sirius. Not that he had absorbed any of the words since he picked up the book. Potions had never been his forte.

“Is there something wrong?” Sirius asked, resting his legs on the table in front of him “You’ve been weird lately. Distant.”

“I know.” Remus muttered, before he could back down, “I overheard you and Marlene in the common room. I know you’re in love with -”

Remus risked looking at Sirius and he felt his heart twinge at the panic scrawled across his friend’s face. He didn’t really know what to say to reassure Sirius, to reassure him that he wouldn’t tell James and that he would encourage any relationship that may unfold when he eventually told him. Anyways, it would just be a lie.

Instead, Remus settled on, “It’s okay. I understand.”

He hoped it got his point across.

Remus let out a slight gasp as Sirius lightly touched his hand, he watched as Sirius let out a deep breath and eventually asked, “Do you – I mean – is there a chance – do you -?”

Deciding to be honest, Remus hesitated before shaking his head slightly, “I don’t think so – Lily.”

Sirius pulled away and Remus watched as his eyes filled with surprise, “Lily?”

“Of course! Why does that surprise you so much?” Remus asked, perhaps James had fell out of love with Lily. Sirius did know James better than anybody. Or perhaps he had passed off the fancy has a joke. Remus thought that they were both unlikely, but he had been wrong before, “It’s practically an Austen romance at this point.”

But as he watched Sirius’s face fall, Remus couldn’t help but feel like he was missing something. But he didn’t quite know what that something was. So instead, he closed his book and decided to leave before he had to deal with the fall-out. It wasn’t very Gryffindor of him, to escape the consequences of his words. But at that moment, Remus didn’t care. All he wanted to do was to runaway from the crestfallen look on Sirius’s face. 

Just as he turned around to leave, Remus felt a hand wrap around his wrist, stopping him. Not daring to look back, Remus pleaded, “Please.”

“Please,” Remus thought, “Please just let me mourn what never was. Please let me fall out of love with you. Please don’t tell me you love James; I don’t think I could handle that again.”

Sirius let go and Remus thought he heard a quiet whine coming from the direction of his best friend. But instead of turning around to comfort his friend, Remus stormed out of the library. 

The next time he saw Sirius, there was an obvious distance and awkwardness in their interactions. Sirius had all but ignored him at breakfast and Remus couldn’t help but feel like he was at fault. Sirius was obviously annoyed that Remus hadn’t offered an ear to his woes concerning James. Maybe he could, one day he would be able to listen to Sirius lamenting about James. There would be one day that he would be able to listen to Sirius proclaiming his love for James, but Remus knew that day wouldn’t come anytime soon. 

Perhaps he should have confessed to Sirius in the library, at least it would make Sirius aware that he was a viable option. Not that Remus would want to be a rebound boyfriend. 

But as they sat in the common room, listening to James mastermind another prank, Remus couldn’t help but wish that he hadn’t told Sirius that he was aware of his love for James. Remus also wished that he hadn’t overheard his conversation with Marlene. If only he had arrived at the common room a few moments later, he could have avoided all of this trouble. Maybe if he hadn’t, everything would be normal, and they would be joking and laughing like they used to. 

“I heard the muggles have something called a piñata. We could get one and fill it with glitter.” James suggested, gesturing with his ink-stained hands, “And then we could let it loose over the Slytherin table at breakfast. Boom! Glitter Bomb!”

Remus raised an eyebrow at his suggestion, “Really?”

James nodded and wacked Sirius on the shoulder, “Pads has a glitter guy. And Pete has enough craft supplies to rebuild Hogwarts.”

Sirius in turn just nodded, his eyes not leaving James as a smile slowly spread across his face. Remus watched as they began to bicker about the schematics of the plot. And they would have continued with their bickering if Lily hadn’t entered the common room, distracting James from the discussion at hand. 

So as James slinked off to chat up Lily, Sirius let out a loud laugh as he loudly wished him luck. Drawing the attention of the rest of the common room who really should have been used to his antics by now.  
But Remus knew that Sirius didn’t mean it, and as his eyes met with Sirius, he could see the flicker of pain that had appeared in the library.

“Lily will say no. She always does.” Remus reminded Sirius, hoping that it would remove that look from his face. 

Sirius’s smile dropped slightly, and he let out a deep sigh, “Please don’t.”

“And even if she does say yes – I doubt James would know what to do. They’d probably just awkwardly date for a few days before it eventually fizzles out.” Remus continued, picking at the cushion next to him, “Anyways she hates him so there is no point in hypotheticals.”

The next few moments went by in a blur. Sirius swore at him and stormed out of the Common Room, boots thumping heavily on the carpeted floor. 

Instead of following him, Remus sat in a daze, unsure about what had just happened. He had only been trying to help, trying to cheer Sirius up and to focus on the possibility that he might end up with James after all. Perhaps it was because they were discussing it in such an open place, around many of their friends and housemates? Yes, that had to be it. There was no other explanation that Remus could find which would explain Sirius’s behaviour. 

Remus hardly saw Sirius for the rest of the week. However, Remus hardly went out of his way to sought Sirius out. Perhaps a little space is what they both needed. Remus could get over his helpless crush, and Sirius could come to terms with one of his best friends knowing his deepest and darkest secret. 

But now that Remus was putting in the hours to get over his infatuation, he was realising that it was a lot harder to do. If Pete and James weren’t mentioning Sirius in conversation, Remus was seeing Sirius in everything he did. He couldn’t use his favourite quill anymore for this very reason, Sirius had a penchant for stealing it (he said it was because the colour suited his eyes better). So instead of getting over Sirius, he was just getting more frazzled and stressed. 

Peter and James had noticed that their relationship was also strained, and Remus pretended that he didn’t notice the worried looks that they traded whenever they saw him.

“What’d you two even fight about?” James asked one evening, as they traded answers to their Charms homework.

They might not have been on speaking terms, but Remus wasn’t about to out his (ex?) best friend, “Stuff.”

“Yeah – but what?” James pondered.

“Please let it go.” Remus responded, trying to concentrate on the parchment before him.

Remus heard James take a sharp gasp before remarking, “You know.”

At this, Remus snapped his head up to stare at James. Had Sirius already confessed? When had this happened – it was probably after the conversation in the common room. Was this why Sirius had been avoiding him? He must have unknowingly encouraged Sirius to confess only to have James turn him down. 

Remus felt a sharp stab of guilt, especially because a part of him was happy that James had rejected him. Remus hated that part of him. 

Nodding, Remus sat down his second-favourite quill and tried to decide how he would handle this, “He told you I take it.”

“Yeah. Pretty sure I knew before he did. Padfoot isn’t exactly subtle.” James explained, before adding, “And I am Hogwarts’s resident expert on matters of the heart.”

“Oh.” Remus replied, unsure about this new development, “What do you think about it?”

“It’s great!” James approved, “It was a bit weird to think about to begin with, I don’t think I could ever think about you guys that way. But it’s kind of sweet – even if it does make him an insufferable git half the time.”

Remus furrowed his eyebrows, his hand tightly gripping the quill in his hands so hard it cracked slightly. James was happy to break Sirius’s heart. This made no sense; James was an arsehole at times, but he wasn’t evil. But Remus would attempt to figure this character change out at a later date, he was too tired and frazzled to think about it.

“I love him.” Remus admitted, the words were deafening and filled the small space, “I’m in love with Sirius.”

“Good.” James laughed before asking, “What did you have for question three?”

 

Remus pondered this conversation days after, unsure about what it had actually meant in the scheme of things. James knew that Sirius was in love with him, and James also knew that Remus was in love with Sirius. Remus suspected that confessing this to James wasn’t the best idea, but he felt relieved to finally admit it to somebody other than himself. At least it would help James understand the current rift between his two friends and ensure that James didn’t force them to make up. 

But as it happens, the confession had the opposite impact on James. Instead of allowing them to wallow in their individual unrequited love and argument, Remus found that he was being forced into too many situations with Sirius to be considered a simple coincidence. 

This had to be the work of James, perhaps he believed that if he couldn’t give Sirius what he wanted, Remus could. Which is something that Remus took a slight offense to. As if he wanted to play second fiddle to James and to date a man who was so obviously in love with one of his best friends. 

So, when he found Sirius curled up in front of the fireplace, it wasn’t exactly a surprise. Ducking his head, Remus quickly walked towards the dormitory. There was no need to interact with Sirius and he wasn’t even sure that Sirius had noticed him enter. 

A theory which fell apart as soon as Sirius quietly called out to him, so much unlike his usual self.

Sirius was never quiet. He was loud and boisterous and always had a certain flair for the dramatics. So much unlike his current state, and that destroyed and angered Remus. James did this and he thought it was great. He would have words with him in the morning, plead and beg for him to give Sirius a chance. Remus knew he wouldn’t actually do this; you don’t choose who you love. If you could he would never have fallen for Sirius. He would have settled for a nice boy or girl, likely a Ravenclaw, who understood his love for books and knitted jumpers. Not a beater who collected badges and wore his leather boots far too often. 

“Can we talk?” Sirius asked, sitting up, the crimson blanket falling from his shoulders like a king, “Please.”

Remus nodded and sat in the chair opposite him, he didn’t want to do this. He despised confrontations and this had all the signs of being one. But he supposed it would be best to clear the air before the full moon. They couldn’t continue like this forever, and their friendship was more important than any romance or teenage drama. Even if it wouldn’t be the same.

“You told James.” Remus hesitated, “I’m sorry.”

Remus watched as Sirius raise his eyebrows in surprise, “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

Taking a deep breath, Sirius untied his hair and continued, “James has always known. He’s the one who pointed it out to me back in third year – even if he was joking.”

“James said as much.” Remus announced, “I didn’t know – I didn’t see anything different.”

He hated himself for not noticing it sooner, how many signs were there that he had missed? Sirius had been in love with James for three years – perhaps even longer – and Remus hadn’t noticed a thing. Remus had claimed to be in love with Sirius and he didn’t even notice until he was explicitly told. Did that make him an awful friend? Remus was going to go with yes.

“I didn’t want you to see anything.” Sirius reassured him, getting to his feet, standing in front of the fireplace, “I tried my fucking best to make sure you didn’t find out.”

Why? Remus thought, why would it matter if I knew or not? And then it hit him, and he let out a sharp, startled gasp as he placed his head in his hands. Sirius knew that he was in love with him. 

That was the only logical explanation and Remus wished for the Earth to swallow him whole. In all his nightmares and dreams, this was not how he had imagined confessing to Sirius. Remus had tried his best to hide it, he had made sure not to make his gaze linger too long and he always made sure to laugh and jest whenever Sirius flirted with other students. 

“We’re royally fucked, aren’t we?” Remus lamented, raising his head to look at Sirius.

Sirius bit out a laugh that didn’t quite meet his eyes, “Didn’t Shakespeare say it was better to have loved and lost?”

“That was Tennyson.” Remus corrected, letting out an exhausted chuckle. 

“Who?” Sirius asked before shaking his head, “It doesn’t matter. Can we just be best friends again?”

Remus nodded, “We were always friends. I just didn’t want it to be awkward.”

“Good. I’ve missed you.” Sirius admitted, sitting on the sofa next to Remus, he paused slightly before hesitantly promising, “I swear I won’t tell James about Lily.”

Remus froze and raised a quizzical eyebrow at Sirius, “What?”

“I’m pretty sure he would kill you if he found out that you were obsessed with her.” Sirius quipped, turning his body towards Remus.

“What?” Remus reiterated, panicked and confused at the thought. Why would anybody – let alone Sirius – believe that he fancied Lily Evans?

And then it hit him. Remus froze as everything fell into place; he was such a fucking idiot. 

“You aren’t in love with James.” He concluded; his hands shaking as that realisation sunk in.

“What the fuck?” Sirius queried, shock and disgust evident in his tone, “Why would I be in love with James? James Potter? You thought I loved -”

Remus nodded, unsure about what to say.

“James?” Sirius continued letting out a deep laugh.

“I can’t help but feel slightly offended that you would think that I would be interested in James.” Sirius said, perplexed at the situation at hand, “You really think that I  
would be interested in that? Please give me at least a little credit.”

“Sorry.” Remus stuttered; uncertainty evident in his tone. This was surreal and Remus couldn’t help but wonder if he was dreaming. Perhaps the long nights had finally gotten to him, “But you’re interested in me.”

“Since third year.” Sirius confessed, Remus watched as he let out a deep breath, his long fingers fiddling with a stray piece of thread.

“I don’t like Lily.” Remus insisted, “I mean I do like her. But just as a friend.”

And before he could stop himself or rein in his thoughts and feelings, Remus confessed, “I like you. I mean like like you – I love you - romantically I mean.”

Remus watched as Sirius froze before letting out an almost silent, “Oh.”

Remus didn’t know what to do next, instead he nodded and hoped that Sirius would take the initiative. Perhaps he wouldn’t – perhaps they would go back to how things were with no mention of the night. 

But before he could continue with that thought, Remus heard Sirius ask, “Can I kiss you?”

“Please.” Remus nodded, smiling softly at Sirius as he slowly tucked a piece of stray hair behind his ear.

Remus let out a sharp exhale of breath as Sirius pressed his lips to his.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this! I am also tempted to write a Sirius pov because that would be a mess.
> 
> (Neither Remus or Sirius deserve James who is a goddamn SAINT!)
> 
> Check out my tumblr @doctorsouffle


End file.
